Monday, July 24, 2006
"What kind of stories are you looking for?"
"I'm not really much of a writer" and "Oh, you don't wanna hear about my boring life!"
...to which I respectfully respond (citing #16 of our 50 Ways in the bargain), "Fuhgeddaboudit!"
Now I don't mean "forget about it" as in, "Oh, ok, never mind, forget I asked." No. I mean (if I may don my best Joe Pesci-inspired New Yahk accent, complete with all due, in-your-face hand gestures), "FUHGEDDABOUDIT!!! Whose life you calling boring? And you don' even HAFTA be a writer. That's what me and Peg are here for!"
"Me and Peg" -- you like that? See what a good writer I am? (Actually, that was still part of my Joe Pesci impersonation.)
Seriously, though, we are seeking insights into the Universal Midlife Experience in all its mundane, joyful, painful, funny, unexpected, gratifying, [insert your own list of adjectives here] manifestations.
...Like the one-liner from Reina, who was never particularly bothered by any gray hair on her head. "But you know you're getting up there in years when your eyebrows start turning gray!"
...And the bit from Peg's colleague Barbara, who showed up at work one day (speaking of eyebrows) with some sort of tweezing injury related to her attempts to (her word) "De-Frump" in time for her 30th high-school class reunion!
...And then there's Tuko's revelation that playing beach volleyball with people half her age is a lot more fun now that she limits herself to one game a day, or a game-and-a-haf MAX. "I was finding, after four games, I'd wake up unable to walk!" Tell it, sis-tah!
Want more ideas -- ones we have NOT yet received? Scroll down to the "Cliffs Notes" post, below, for no fewer than FIFTY possibilities. Even if none of them quite fits you, perhaps they'll serve to nudge out the midlife story of yours that's just been waiting to be told.
Then... just schlopp your anecdote (one-liner, joke, insight, lesson learned, favorite midlife book or movie, whatever!) into an email -- in your own words, nothing fancy (unless fancy happens to be your style, in which case, fancy's cool). Just tap, tap, tap it into an email to sheilakey@newmexico.com and click Send. We'll take it from there, weaving your story into our "50/40" manuscript wherever it fits best.
By the way, you are more than welcome to leave your input for the book as a comment here at the blog, but we would also like to know your real name, your real age, and whatever first name you'd like us to use in publication. If you'd rather send that information to me privately, do so by email, even as you leave your public comment(s) here.
SPECIAL NOTE TO OUR FELLOW BLOGGERS: By all means, scroll through your OWN BLOG's posts and archives, for any middle-of-life story you think we'd enjoy. If it's already written... all the better, right? (Thanks, Di, for this winning idea. You ROCK!)
Thanks a ton, y'all! Peg and I can't wait to hear from you.
Love, Sheila
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Clarifications
One email we received this morning, however, has given us to know that we need to clarify a few things about our Call for Stories.
1. "This is not a paying gig." Sad but true. We wish it could be different, but there it is. The emailer who told us we should be ashamed of ourselves for not paying writers did so beneath the subject line "anthology," which brings me to my second point of clarification:
2. 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s is NOT an anthology! Peg and I are researching and writing all of the essays, sidebars, pop quizzes and journaling prompts that will make up the bulk of the manuscript. She and I are also gathering the many published quotations (as well as the required permissions for use) to serve as marginalia. Although our "Call" is for "Stories" -- the kind with a beginning, a middle, and an end -- I now come to the most important point of clarification:
3. "We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity -- or simply to excerpt as needed." We've been asked the "word count" question, which is certainly reasonable ... and yet, not easily answered as such. In a way, word count is irrelevant, as it is highly unlikely that accepted stories will appear in their entirety. (My two sure exceptions to this are reserved for my brother Sean, who just underwent a liver transplant, and my sister Theresa, who served as his living donor.) The far more likely scenario is that we will excerpt stories, condensing the illustrative points into a paragraph or two while leaving the writer's most quotable quotations intact. This is why we said, "Don't worry if it's well-written... just tell the story in your own words." My writerly-editorly-authorly friend Bill (www.billthorness.com) predicts this approach may offend the professional writers in the room, but, well, again... there it is. We're not out to offend anyone. We just want to enrich our book -- as space allows -- with authentic "lived experience" from actual people in midlife, input we believe will help to convey the essential messages of our "50 Ways."
Hope that clears things up. Should you have any other questions about our book or our Call for Stories, don't hesitate to email me at sheilakey@newmexico.com or leave a comment here at the blog.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The "Cliffs Notes" Version
Call for Stories
We’re seeking true stories from people in midlife, for possible inclusion in our book. What kind of stories? See our 50 suggested themes below. Don’t just tell us what happened; TELL US HOW THE EXPERIENCE CHANGED YOU, as well as any advice you may have for people facing similar situations! Stories should be as brief as possible (and we reserve the right to edit for length and clarity -- or simply to excerpt as needed). Don’t worry if it’s well-written; just tell the story in your own words. For more complete information about our book's contents, see the series of posts titled "Call for Stories."
Email your input to sheilakey@newmexico.com. Please include your real name, your (real!) age, and the first name (real or not) that you’d like us to use for you in our book and/or blog. DEADLINE: September 30, 2006 (though sooner is definitely better!)
ITCHING TO BLOG US BACK IMMEDIATELY? GO RIGHT AHEAD! Leave your comment here.
Fifty Suggested Story Ideas (feel free to think up your own)
1. The Classic Midlife Crisis (whatever that means to you)
2. Near-death experience
3. Mentoring a young person (on the job or as a Big Brother/Big Sister)
4. “I’m a foster parent."
5. Caring for elderly parents
6. “I became a parent for the first time in midlife”
7. Hypnotherapy or self-hypnosis for lifestyle change
8. "I got Rolfed!"
9. First-hand experience with the Alexander Method
10. Confronting addiction
11. Junk-food junkie no more!
12. “I lost the weight and kept it off”
13. Reducing dependence on Rx meds through diet, exercise, and/or other natural means
14. Loving your body after disfiguring accident or surgery
15. “I ‘feng-shui’ed my home! (garden, work place, whatever)”
16. “How journaling changed my life.”
17. FINANCIAL PLANNER! Help!! What’s your advice for the midlifer who never got around to saving for retirement (yet)??
18. Radical change in your belief system
19. "I truly believe that stranger was an Angel, right here on earth!"
20. "Group meditation can change the world -- I've seen it happen!"
21. Lucid dreaming
22. Solving the problems of waking life while you sleep
23. Hey Sailor! Tell us what it really means to "go with the flow."
24. Healing trauma -- even years later
25. Better living through chanting and/or drumming
26. Howling at the moon -- what do we mean by this? We're not sure. Can you tell us?
27. How do you feed YOUR Muse?
28. Got a totem animal? How'd you meet? Then what happened?
29. "I was the proverbial 'Little Engine Who Could'!"
30. Road Trip! The long strange trip that changed your life.
31. Adventures in colonics!
32. What would you pack in your Midlife Survival Kit?
33. There are worse things in life than getting a hearing aid.
34. Lasik surgery or first pair of bifocals?
35. Pushing the envelope
36. Are you a Native American who can tell us about the Seventh Generation concept?
37. "I screwed up my courage and made the call!"
38. Life after divorce
39. PAR-TAY! Tell us of a big 5-0 celebration for the record books.
40. "The gift of my heart attack"
41. Postcards from Nirvana (the serious pursuit of enlightenment or the peak pleasure experience, your choice)
42. Are you a "wild and crazy guy" ("still crazy after all these years")?
43. "I am SO past caring about keeping up with the Joneses!"
44. New romance in midlife
45. Confessions of a misanthrope or "How I learned to love the entire human race"
46. Riders on the storm: surviving mental illness
47. There've been WAY too many funerals lately!
48. So what do you want carved on your gravestone?
49. Forsaking food and sleep: the masterpiece that came through you
50."I love to laugh....it's getting worse every year!"
Monday, July 17, 2006
What's up with YOU in midlife?
CALL FOR STORIES!
What to Do When Midlife Crisis Is Not Enough
By Sheila Key with Peg Spencer, MD
For more information about this book in progress, visit http://www.50waystoleaveyour40s.com/
or email sheilakey@newmexico.com
Our book, 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s, is a funny, soulful collection of essays, stories and informative sidebars, for people in midlife. Our publisher, New World Library, plans to market it as a gift/personal-growth book. Personally, our goal is to get it into every bathroom (and outhouse) in
We’re looking for “lived experience” to flesh out our 50 chapters, which are divided into the four sections of Body, Mind, Soul and Heart (though there is necessarily plenty of overlap of material). Below you'll find chapter lists with thumbnails explaining the key concepts, to give you lots of ideas for the sorts of stories we're seeking.
50 Ways focuses (obviously) on the late-40s/early-50s passage, but pretty much any “midlife” story will fit. Please send us brief anecdotes related to our chapter ideas. Also welcome: your favorite movies, music, books, pop-cultural references, jokes, one-liners, quotations, websites... really, whatever ideas our chapter lists evoke in you.
Send it all! We'll sort it out!
Don’t worry about where your story “fits.” We’ll sort that out, too. Don't even worry if it's well-written! Just tell us your story in your own words. While we are always on the look-out for what pro photographers call "the money shot" (and we -- or, at least, I, Sheila -- call "the quotable quote"), we are happy to accept what you've written, however you've written it, and, with your permission, to "pretty it up" later.
Finally, as you may have guessed, this ain’t a payin’ gig. As mentioned, we reserve the right to edit what you send – or to not use it at all. In any case, you have our undying gratitude and at least a chance of seeing your story in print – coming in Fall 2007 to a bookseller near you (ISBN 1-57731-545-6).
SPREAD THE WORD!! -- hopefully RIGHT NOW, while the people in your life still have the chance to submit their story, too!
Email your input to sheilakey@newmexico.com. Please include your real name, your (real!) age, and the first name (real or not) that you’d like us to use for you in our book and/or blog.
DEADLINE: August 31, 2006 (though sooner is better, as we could then use your input to stimulate further comments here at the blog). Many thanks!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Call for Stories: BODY
Section One: BODY
Correlations: Earth/North/Midnight
Concepts: physical health & fitness, material world, nature, all that is tangible
- Way #1: Just Keep Breathing -- conscious use of breath, whether for stress reduction, in synch with exercise, for meditation, or anything else that’s breath-related (snoring, asthma, high-elevation endurance, etc.)
- Way #2: Love Thy Body as Thy Self -- body image, beauty, physical changes (graying, wrinkling, sagging, spreading, fatigue, menopause, metabolism slowing down, etc.); listening to your body; loving your body in spite of it all.
- Way #3: Don’t Let Gravity Get You Down -- posture, musculoskeletal issues, Alexander Method, Rolfing, bone health, “inversion boots” (or chairs), skin sagging, plastic surgery (boob jobs, tummy tucks, face lifts, collagen injections, permanent make-up, Botox, etc.), also repair of pelvic floor, bladder or uterine prolapse, etc. Plus weight training and other ways to “pump [clap!] YOU up!”
- Way #4: Get Your Motor Runnin’ -- the importance of warming up first, how you rev up a slowing metabolism; caffeine and other stimulants, feeling “stuck” and how to get going; also the Eastern concept of the “dahn-jon” energy centers of the body.
- Way #5: S-t-r-e-t-c-h---I-t---O-u-t -- Now that we’re warmed up, it’s time to s-t-r-e-t-c-h for muscle maintenance, flexibility, and to prevent injury. Did you learn this the hard way? Got a stretching disaster to share? Also, in the metaphorical sense: stretching beyond comfort zone, expanding horizons. Plus stretching in the sense of making something last.
- Way #6: Run for Your Life! -- running and walking for fitness; running/walking buddies or groups; any kind of aerobics; keeping things “running” well in your life; “Pacing” yourself; races/marathons. Also foot problems and care, shoe stories, etc.
- Way #7: Pause -- sabbatical, taking breaks and naps, recovery from hard exertion, meditation; how do you refresh & rejuvenate yourself? Also menopause
- Way #8: Play Ball! -- This is mostly about the big “fitness” ball, used to strengthen core, improve balance and provide a gentler form of exercise; ball sports; the importance of play in general; also men’s health issues, prostate, male menopause, impotence, etc.
- Way #9: Eat, Drink & Be Wary -- Changing your eating habits for healthier living; staying hydrated; experiences with fad diets, protein powder, power bars and other shortcuts; stories about comfort foods; overuse of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sleeping pills, recreational drugs, laxatives, etc.
- Way #10: Take a Load Off Fanny -- body weight issues – gains and losses, “yo-yo” experiences; ALSO purging clutter, getting rid of extraneous stuff; giving things away; taking load off body, mind, and the environment. “Empty Nest” issues. Letting go of emotional baggage.
- Way #11: “Fung” & “Shway” to Free Your Chi -- We could really use some feng shui stories (arranging your material sphere for balance and harmony with nature) or any stories about “rearranging your stuff.” ALSO what is your “place” in your life’s second half? Are you in “alignment”?
- Way #12: Take the Waters -- hydration, skincare (moisturizers, sunscreen) Any skin cancer stories? Also swimming, water aerobics, boating, water sports, beach bumming. Tell us your SPA stories. How do you hydrate? Special drinks – tonics, elixirs, share you signature drink recipes!
- Way #13: Spurn Your Bra -- clothing & other comforts. Let ‘em dangle! Tight bands and belts cut your chi. (Especially for him: “In the clearing stand your boxers.”) How has your fashion sense changed with age? Also: got La-Z-Boy? What are your other comforts? On a more serious note, this chapter also deals with breast cancer.
- Way #14: Keep On Rockin’ Me Baby -- Kama Sutra, dahling! We wanna hear your sex-in-midlife stories! What’s your favorite euphemism for “doing the nasty”? Let’s talk, not just sex, but also drugs & rock’n’roll. Still rockin’ with your garage band? Any “lived experiences” involving drugs, legal and otherwise? Survivor stories? Hitting-bottom stories? Lived-to-tell-about-it stories?
Call for Stories: MIND
Section Two: MIND
Correlations: Air/East/Sunrise
Concepts: brain functions, thoughts, ideas, learning, knowledge, imagination, intuition, dreams (the sleep kind & aspirations), language & math
- Way #15: Please Make a Note of It -- writing as a memory aid, taking notes, journaling concepts and ideas, writing an autobiography or a memoir!
- Way #16: Fuhgeddaboudit! -- the value of purposeful forgetting, the importance of forgiveness, letting go--of past, grudges, bad habits. Also memory loss and aids to memory.
- Way #17: Go With the Flow -- yielding to forces bigger than yourself, finding deeper meaning by aligning with spirit, immersing yourself in meaningful activity. Also intuition, serendipity, surrender, acceptance.
- Way #18: Book ‘Em Danno -- making plans for “must-do’s” for the rest of your life, booking time with important people in our lives, financial planning and other important midlife planning. Also reading for learning and enjoyment, and booking your “50 thousand mile checkup.”
- Way #19: Lay a Feast for the Muses -- feeding your creativity. Need inspiration? Be the food of the gods! Make yourself the best possible material for the Muses to work with; answer your creative urges; honor your authentic self. Also wanted: feasting stories!
- Way #20: Say It Loud, Sing It Proud -- the power of words & of voice. Is your inner voice a supporter or a detractor? Communication, speaking your truth, chanting, singing, vocalizing, oral history. Also the healing qualities of sound.
- Way #21: Know Your Yin From Your Yang -- duality and balance, change, East/West medicine: energy meridians, chi flow, stagnation, chakras. Also menopause as yin deficiency.
- Way #22: Seize the Night – speaking of duality… don’t forget to “embrace the dark side”! Tap your subconscious, dream big, “sleep on it,” get up “dark & early”! Long nights of the soul, howling at the moon, dreaming. Also insomnia, sleep issues.
- Way #23: Shake It Up Baby Now -- getting out of that rut! Doing something new, or something old in new ways. Growing your neural pathways and retraining your brain.
- Way #24: Imagine All the People -- the power of vision & visualization, both individually and collectively; imagination, ritual, collective consciousness, community. Visualization in health and healing. Also vision in terms of eyesight.
- Way #25: Believe It or Don’t – keeping an open mind, the power of prayer. Beliefs can help us, can also limit us. Can you list your “Top Ten Beliefs”? Have your beliefs changed as you’ve gotten older?
- Way #26: Dance on the Head of a Pin -- pondering those unanswerable questions, life balance, striving to dwell among the angels – or even count yourself among the angels – on earth! Also physical balance as it relates to aging, proprioception.
Call for Stories: SOUL
Section Three: SOUL
Correlations: Fire/South/Noon
Concepts: actions, deeds, livelihood, spirituality, destiny, the eternal; also encounters
- Way #27: Get Your Hands Dirty -- the value of hard work, gardening, planting trees, getting “down in the trenches,” building something from scratch. “If you build it they will come.” Also handwashing.
- Way #28: Go Win One for the Team – “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” “Our diversity is our strength.” “Many hands make light work.” Group efforts, group process, teamwork. Also team sports.
- Way #29: Sh@t or Get Off the Pot -- tick-tock, y’all! You gonna do that thing you’ve been talking about forever or what? Just do it! “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it” Getting started with the new, also dumping [sic] [or sick!] the old. Plus colon health. Got any hemorrhoid stories? Colonoscopy tales? Colonics, anyone?
- Way #30: Hit the Road Jack -- Road trip! Explore the world, get out of town, enjoy a change of scene, visit far-flung friends. Staying healthy on the road. Also, the journey as metaphor --- as long as there’s movement within, there’s growth.
- Way #31: Get Lost -- This is where the adventure begins! “Not all who wander are lost.” Tap into the power of chaos, make wonderful new discoveries. How do YOU “get lost” for R and R? What do you love to “get lost” in? A Buddhist master tells us to “refrain from doing the habitual thing” – this is how to awaken the soul. Plus: What would YOU pack in your “midlife survival kit”?
- Way #32: Stop, Look & Listen – Time Out! Stop to smell the roses, appreciate nature, art, music. Notice! Use your senses, savor it, dwell in the now. Take stock of your life, be the observer. Attitude of gratitude. Also: “Eh? What’s that you say?” Tell us of your hearing loss and/or your lasic surgery or first pair of bifocals.
- Way #33: Break On Through to the Other Side -- achieve the “aha” experience, even by tiny degrees; push for personal best, “go as far as you can, then one step further.” Find the edge. Push the envelope. Psychological breakthrough, transformation.
- Way #34: Act Ageless -- letting go of the concept of “I’m too old to---” Fifty is just a number. Have you gotten any younger lately (i.e. lowered your “functional age” by getting into better shape)? Transcend the mundane; touch the eternal, dwell in the timeless. Do something “for the ages.” Revel in the “New Age.” Also, any stories related to The Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy: “In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations”?
- Way #35: Mind Your Karma, Trim Your Dogma – practicing tolerance and the Golden Rule. Know-It-Alls and Holier-Than-Thous are such a drag! By now, can you resist the craving to correct someone’s misused word? Can you refrain from insisting that yours is the only “right way” to do things? How did you learn to “live & let live”? Any “pay it forward” stories?
- Way #36: En-Lighten Up -- deepening spirituality in midlife; the search for inner peace and enlightenment. The spiritual search is a serious matter, but be gentle with yourself. How do you lighten your soul’s burden?
- Way #37: Shine On You Crazy Diamond – dazzling the world with your unique self! Dr. Maria Montessori believed that everyone and everything in creation has a cosmic task to fulfill. Do you know your cosmic task? How did you discover it? Also, forget what the neighbors might think, and be a wild and crazy guy! Some of history’s most brilliant diamonds have been a little (or a lot) crazy. Shrinks don’t use that word, of course, but we’re interested in success stories regarding mental illness. Pseudonyms welcome!
- Way #38: Look Death Right in the Eye – A brush with death can change a person for the better. Catching a glimpse of the grim reaper across the room can wake a person up to LIFE. Has it happened to you? Also: losing loved ones, planning for the inevitable, living like you were dying. Anyone care to write your own eulogy?
Call for Stories: HEART
Section Four: HEART
Correlations: Water/West/Sunset
Concepts: emotions, feelings, relationships, memories
- Way #39: OK, Have a Crisis Already! – this cliché is like a get-out-of-jail-free card. If people are expecting you to have a crisis in midlife, then hey! Why not? We’re looking for stories on all the classics – the new motorcycle or convertible, say, or the sudden urge to climb Everest – as well as your own unique “take” on what it means to have a midlife crisis.
- Way #40: Lose It or LOSE IT! – Can’t get no satisfaction? Then send the crazymakers packin’—before they make you crazier! As in the MIND section, where we devote a chapter to purposeful forgetting, here we encourage you to consider making some purposeful losses. Paradoxically, such losses can bring immeasurable gains! We're especially interested in stories of confronting addiction.
- Way #41: Grieve – Then there are the losses we don’t choose. With aging comes all sorts of loss, and mourning is the appropriate response. Grieving your loss of youth can free you to enjoy more fully your new status as Elder! Also, have you noticed you’re attending more funerals these days? Lean into your grief and share your pain!
- Way #42: Make the Call – Speaking of funerals… do you really want to go to your grave without making peace with that certain someone? Come on! Time’s a wastin’. Extend the proverbial olive branch. Even if it gets rejected, you may gain a sense of peace. Or have you already done so? Tell us about it!
- Way #43: Party “Hearty” – Kick out the jams, man! It’s party time! Whether small and intimate, or huge and raucous, this is a tradition worth preserving. How do YOU plan to ring in your 50s? Or how DID you? In this chapter, we celebrate celebration as a way of life -- it's not just for special occasions anymore! “keeping it real,” relating always from the heart; also heart health.
- Way #44: Respect Your Elders – No matter how grown-up you get to be, remember: There will always be others older and wiser. Besides, older is where we’re all headed, so we might as well learn from those who’ve gone before. Bask in their wisdom! We're especially interested in stories about aging-parent issues. Are you a member of the "sandwich generation," caring for both children and aging parents? Tell us about it!
- Way #45: Respect Your Youngers – Remember, too, that older isn’t the only way to be wiser. There's much to be learned from looking at the world through children's eyes. Let your job as role model bring out your best self! Are you a mentor? A Big Brother/Big Sister? A foster parent? Did you become a parent for the first time in midlife? Do tell!
- Way #46: Love, Love, Love – romance in midlife, whether with a new mate or within your decades-deep relationship; Also, love as a way of life, not just for your intimates, but for every sentient being! Helped a stranger lately? What's YOUR Love Story?
- Way #47: Touch & Glow – Do you get by with a little help from your friends? Hey! Where would we be without them? Tending to friendships; the importance of human contact and getting/staying in touch with feelings.
- Way #48: Launch Your Legacy – The Heart realm is about memories. How do you want to be remembered? We're way beyond first impressions now; what will be your lasting impression? Tell us what you want chiseled on your gravestone!
- Way #49: Channel the Divine – "Hallelujah! ... Hallelujah!” Did you know Haydn wrote the Messiah in 21 days? Forsaking food and sleep, he just wrote and wrote as if there were no tomorrow! Many New Age authors insist that every one of us has access to this sort of divine inspiration. If you've experienced anything like it, we'd sure love to hear your story!
- Way #50: Leave ‘Em Laughing – What better way to "leave your 40s" than to leave them laughing! Laughter heals; the good doctor Norman Cousins told us so (OK, he wrote of it) a generation ago. Even if you don't have a story to share, we hope you'll send us lots and lots of jokes.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
HAVE WE LEFT ANYTHING OUT??
Have you got a midlife story to tell, but you can't see quite where it fits in our book? Well, send it to us anyway!! First of all, if we like the story, we'll figure out a place to put it. But perhaps even more important, even with 50 chapters, each of which is multifaceted, we fret now and then that there's a glaring omission we haven't noticed yet -- and you may be just the person to point it out to us!
So DO TELL! Send us your story, even if -- indeed, especially if -- you don't see a chapter about it in any of the foregoing calls for stories.
Thanks!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Writers in the Storm
This is the view from our cabin porch. Talk about inspiration!
Our work "space". Note timer, resource books, Angel cards and, of course, caffeine!
Clowning at the cabin.
Relaxing in town on the 4th of July.