Expert Excerpts, Expert Excerpts, Expert Excerpts

To recap: Last Friday, our editor at New World Library set us straight that, in order to be the precious little gift book we all intend, 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s requires a total word count of 50,000, not the 100,000 cited in our contract. Oops! Wish that boilerplate detail hadn't slipped through a crack. Meanwhile, here Peg and I were, trying for months to figure out how to make all our fabulous material fit into a mere 2,000 words per chapter.

Now that push comes to shove and our new target is smaller by half, clearly we need to narrow our focus. We had done a lot of writing, of course, but thankfully not the bulk of it. The major loss comes in terms of time spent doing tons of research for the many "nuggets" that lie now on the cutting-room floor.

(heavy sigh...) Life happens. What'cha gonna do?

Onward! Upward!

We do still want your stories! But obviously, the name of the game will be "Expert Excerpts." (Say that fast three times!) We'll zero in on the strongest material, the most compelling experiences, the liveliest quotes. Don't just tell us what happened with you in the "leaving your 40s" passage. Tell us how the experience changed you. And pass on your best advice for others facing similar situations. Our book aims to be upbeat and humorous, even as it conveys some of life's heavier lessons, so don't be afraid to crack wise!

DEADLINE: September 30, 2006. Email sheilakey@newmexico.com. Include your real name, your real age, and the first name (real or not) you'd like us to use for publication.

Thanks.

But first, a few photos!

Can you believe Peg and I showed up at our second book-writing retreat wearing the same dress?! We didn't even know we owned the same dress. Bonus: Since my kids really, really wanted to see the room and jump on the beds (Retreat Central was just three miles from home) -- and since I was happy for their help, along with Dad's, to shlepp the last of my gear up to the room -- Peg and I had a willing photographer on hand for a moment, to document the coincidence. (Thank you, Maya Sweetie!)

And when I say we shlepped in the stuff, I mean
We shlepped in the stuff!

Call us urban campers. I snapped this photo at the end, as we awaited Sean the Bellman to help pack us out. A photo of the incoming load (if it existed) would show lots more groceries. We ate well! Though the room lacked cooking facilities, the elevator stood ready to whisk us down to the doorstep of McGrath's, Hyatt's downtown-Albuquerque restaurant, where the kitchen staff stood just as ready to please, if only to bake Peg's gourmet pizza in their oven or pop my bag of corn in their microwave. We never did actually dine at McGrath's, but we recommend it to any restaurant-goer in the neighborhood, purely on principle.

Lugging in the cappucino maker and accoutrement definitely paid off. Saved us considerable dollars and minutes (OK, half-hours) not spent running down to Starbuck's in the lobby.
Nope, we ate in, drank in... Just hunkered in the bunker and wrote.

Peg brought along her brand-spanking new copy of the Chicago Manual of Style, 15th Edition, our publisher's stylebook of choice.
Oh, and she struck on a possible solution to midlife changes in visual accuity, to say nothing of cutting-edge fashion.

The weather was kind enough to be cloudy all weekend while we hunkered indoors. Not just dull gray, though. We enjoyed our 9th-floor view of blanket after blanket of clouds spilling over the Sandia Mountains. Photos through the window never do justice to such beautiful scenery.

...And we even made it to the hot tub! Only once, but still. While we were there, we "collected" a little story for the book, from a couple passing through on their way from San Francisco (their home of 30 years) to their new home in Amarillo, Texas, a town they had yet to set foot in. Now that's a midlife adventure!

WHICH reminds me: I owe you an update about our story needs for the book, now that our template is much condensed. It's coming. Stay tuned.

"Did we say 100,000 words?"

Peg and I are just back from retreat. We holed up at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Albuquerque, our hometown. Didn't set foot out of the place from check-in on Thursday to check-out on Tuesday. In-room cappucino maker (lugged from home) prevented us from frequenting Starbuck's downstairs. Well, almost. We gave in to the scone urge one morning. But hey, "once" is not "frequenting," so I guess I was right the first time.

Oh, but look: I've buried the lead.

Our retreat began with a long-awaited confab with our editor, and boy-oh-boy, are we wishing we hadn't waited so long. The upshot is this: Although our contract with New World Library calls for a first-draft manuscript of "approximately 100,000 words," what NWL really meant to ask of us (had they caught the boo-boo) was "approximately 50,000 words." The 100K figure is boilerplate for the typical 9" x 6", 300-page book. But ours is not the typical 9 x 6 same-old, same-old.

50/40 is a gift book. It'll have a gifty shape (we spoke of 6" square) and a "precious" look and feel. As such, it cannot accommodate 100,000 words. Good lord! We had hoped to find out we had some "wiggle room" above the 100K. We came away with a firm "half that." Yikes!

But we've gotta laugh. How many thousand words do they want, after all, for this book about "leaving your 40s"? Why, FIFTY, of course!

In fairness, our editor gave us the choice of going the "standard 9 X 6" route. But we agreed with her that 50/40 is, first and foremost, a gift book. So, with her help, we pared the template to the bone and got to work.

Where does this leave us, vis-a-vis stories from contributors? Good question! And it deserves its own stand-alone blog post.

Soon!
Love, Sheila

"What kind of stories are you looking for?"

Peg and I hear this a lot, especially since we started emailing our "Call for Stories" to everyone we know. Here are a couple other responses we're hearing:

"I'm not really much of a writer" and "Oh, you don't wanna hear about my boring life!"

...to which I respectfully respond (citing #16 of our 50 Ways in the bargain), "Fuhgeddaboudit!"

Now I don't mean "forget about it" as in, "Oh, ok, never mind, forget I asked." No. I mean (if I may don my best Joe Pesci-inspired New Yahk accent, complete with all due, in-your-face hand gestures), "FUHGEDDABOUDIT!!! Whose life you calling boring? And you don' even HAFTA be a writer. That's what me and Peg are here for!"

"Me and Peg" -- you like that? See what a good writer I am? (Actually, that was still part of my Joe Pesci impersonation.)

Seriously, though, we are seeking insights into the Universal Midlife Experience in all its mundane, joyful, painful, funny, unexpected, gratifying, [insert your own list of adjectives here] manifestations.

...Like the one-liner from Reina, who was never particularly bothered by any gray hair on her head. "But you know you're getting up there in years when your eyebrows start turning gray!"

...And the bit from Peg's colleague Barbara, who showed up at work one day (speaking of eyebrows) with some sort of tweezing injury related to her attempts to (her word) "De-Frump" in time for her 30th high-school class reunion!

...And then there's Tuko's revelation that playing beach volleyball with people half her age is a lot more fun now that she limits herself to one game a day, or a game-and-a-haf MAX. "I was finding, after four games, I'd wake up unable to walk!" Tell it, sis-tah!

Want more ideas -- ones we have NOT yet received? Scroll down to the "Cliffs Notes" post, below, for no fewer than FIFTY possibilities. Even if none of them quite fits you, perhaps they'll serve to nudge out the midlife story of yours that's just been waiting to be told.

Then... just schlopp your anecdote (one-liner, joke, insight, lesson learned, favorite midlife book or movie, whatever!) into an email -- in your own words, nothing fancy (unless fancy happens to be your style, in which case, fancy's cool). Just tap, tap, tap it into an email to sheilakey@newmexico.com and click Send. We'll take it from there, weaving your story into our "50/40" manuscript wherever it fits best.

By the way, you are more than welcome to leave your input for the book as a comment here at the blog, but we would also like to know your real name, your real age, and whatever first name you'd like us to use in publication. If you'd rather send that information to me privately, do so by email, even as you leave your public comment(s) here.

SPECIAL NOTE TO OUR FELLOW BLOGGERS: By all means, scroll through your OWN BLOG's posts and archives, for any middle-of-life story you think we'd enjoy. If it's already written... all the better, right? (Thanks, Di, for this winning idea. You ROCK!)

Thanks a ton, y'all! Peg and I can't wait to hear from you.

Love, Sheila

Clarifications

Hi again. Sheila here. Peg and I are delighted to report that three wonderful women have already answered our Call for Stories. Thanks to Kim (www.scaredtohealth.com ), Ann (www.bygosch.com ) and Sue (PEG -- does Sue the Marathoner have a blog or website?) -- we are off to a great start in our effort to attract some "lived experience" into our book -- I mean, of course, beyond that which we can draw from our own lives, Peg's and mine.

One email we received this morning, however, has given us to know that we need to clarify a few things about our Call for Stories.

1. "This is not a paying gig." Sad but true. We wish it could be different, but there it is. The emailer who told us we should be ashamed of ourselves for not paying writers did so beneath the subject line "anthology," which brings me to my second point of clarification:

2. 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s is NOT an anthology! Peg and I are researching and writing all of the essays, sidebars, pop quizzes and journaling prompts that will make up the bulk of the manuscript. She and I are also gathering the many published quotations (as well as the required permissions for use) to serve as marginalia. Although our "Call" is for "Stories" -- the kind with a beginning, a middle, and an end -- I now come to the most important point of clarification:

3. "We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity -- or simply to excerpt as needed." We've been asked the "word count" question, which is certainly reasonable ... and yet, not easily answered as such. In a way, word count is irrelevant, as it is highly unlikely that accepted stories will appear in their entirety. (My two sure exceptions to this are reserved for my brother Sean, who just underwent a liver transplant, and my sister Theresa, who served as his living donor.) The far more likely scenario is that we will excerpt stories, condensing the illustrative points into a paragraph or two while leaving the writer's most quotable quotations intact. This is why we said, "Don't worry if it's well-written... just tell the story in your own words." My writerly-editorly-authorly friend Bill (www.billthorness.com) predicts this approach may offend the professional writers in the room, but, well, again... there it is. We're not out to offend anyone. We just want to enrich our book -- as space allows -- with authentic "lived experience" from actual people in midlife, input we believe will help to convey the essential messages of our "50 Ways."

Hope that clears things up. Should you have any other questions about our book or our Call for Stories, don't hesitate to email me at sheilakey@newmexico.com or leave a comment here at the blog.

The "Cliffs Notes" Version

Call for Stories

We’re seeking true stories from people in midlife, for possible inclusion in our book. What kind of stories? See our 50 suggested themes below. Don’t just tell us what happened; TELL US HOW THE EXPERIENCE CHANGED YOU, as well as any advice you may have for people facing similar situations! Stories should be as brief as possible (and we reserve the right to edit for length and clarity -- or simply to excerpt as needed). Don’t worry if it’s well-written; just tell the story in your own words. For more complete information about our book's contents, see the series of posts titled "Call for Stories."

Email your input to sheilakey@newmexico.com. Please include your real name, your (real!) age, and the first name (real or not) that you’d like us to use for you in our book and/or blog. DEADLINE: September 30, 2006 (though sooner is definitely better!)

ITCHING TO BLOG US BACK IMMEDIATELY? GO RIGHT AHEAD! Leave your comment here.

Fifty Suggested Story Ideas (feel free to think up your own)

1. The Classic Midlife Crisis (whatever that means to you)
2. Near-death experience
3. Mentoring a young person (on the job or as a Big Brother/Big Sister)
4. “I’m a foster parent."
5. Caring for elderly parents
6. “I became a parent for the first time in midlife”
7. Hypnotherapy or self-hypnosis for lifestyle change
8. "I got Rolfed!"
9. First-hand experience with the Alexander Method
10. Confronting addiction
11. Junk-food junkie no more!
12. “I lost the weight and kept it off”
13. Reducing dependence on Rx meds through diet, exercise, and/or other natural means
14. Loving your body after disfiguring accident or surgery
15. “I ‘feng-shui’ed my home! (garden, work place, whatever)”
16. “How journaling changed my life.”
17. FINANCIAL PLANNER! Help!! What’s your advice for the midlifer who never got around to saving for retirement (yet)??
18. Radical change in your belief system
19. "I truly believe that stranger was an Angel, right here on earth!"
20. "Group meditation can change the world -- I've seen it happen!"
21. Lucid dreaming
22. Solving the problems of waking life while you sleep
23. Hey Sailor! Tell us what it really means to "go with the flow."
24. Healing trauma -- even years later
25. Better living through chanting and/or drumming
26. Howling at the moon -- what do we mean by this? We're not sure. Can you tell us?
27. How do you feed YOUR Muse?
28. Got a totem animal? How'd you meet? Then what happened?
29. "I was the proverbial 'Little Engine Who Could'!"
30. Road Trip! The long strange trip that changed your life.
31. Adventures in colonics!
32. What would you pack in your Midlife Survival Kit?
33. There are worse things in life than getting a hearing aid.
34. Lasik surgery or first pair of bifocals?
35. Pushing the envelope
36. Are you a Native American who can tell us about the Seventh Generation concept?
37. "I screwed up my courage and made the call!"
38. Life after divorce
39. PAR-TAY! Tell us of a big 5-0 celebration for the record books.
40. "The gift of my heart attack"
41. Postcards from Nirvana (the serious pursuit of enlightenment or the peak pleasure experience, your choice)
42. Are you a "wild and crazy guy" ("still crazy after all these years")?
43. "I am SO past caring about keeping up with the Joneses!"
44. New romance in midlife
45. Confessions of a misanthrope or "How I learned to love the entire human race"
46. Riders on the storm: surviving mental illness
47. There've been WAY too many funerals lately!
48. So what do you want carved on your gravestone?
49. Forsaking food and sleep: the masterpiece that came through you
50."I love to laugh....it's getting worse every year!"

What's up with YOU in midlife?

CALL FOR STORIES!

50 Ways to Leave Your 40s

What to Do When Midlife Crisis Is Not Enough

By Sheila Key with Peg Spencer, MD

For more information about this book in progress, visit http://www.50waystoleaveyour40s.com/

or email sheilakey@newmexico.com

Our book, 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s, is a funny, soulful collection of essays, stories and informative sidebars, for people in midlife. Our publisher, New World Library, plans to market it as a gift/personal-growth book. Personally, our goal is to get it into every bathroom (and outhouse) in North America – at least until it gets translated into 26 languages. Then, watch out world!

We’re looking for “lived experience” to flesh out our 50 chapters, which are divided into the four sections of Body, Mind, Soul and Heart (though there is necessarily plenty of overlap of material). Below you'll find chapter lists with thumbnails explaining the key concepts, to give you lots of ideas for the sorts of stories we're seeking.

50 Ways focuses (obviously) on the late-40s/early-50s passage, but pretty much any “midlife” story will fit. Please send us brief anecdotes related to our chapter ideas. Also welcome: your favorite movies, music, books, pop-cultural references, jokes, one-liners, quotations, websites... really, whatever ideas our chapter lists evoke in you.

Send it all! We'll sort it out!

Don’t worry about where your story “fits.” We’ll sort that out, too. Don't even worry if it's well-written! Just tell us your story in your own words. While we are always on the look-out for what pro photographers call "the money shot" (and we -- or, at least, I, Sheila -- call "the quotable quote"), we are happy to accept what you've written, however you've written it, and, with your permission, to "pretty it up" later.

Finally, as you may have guessed, this ain’t a payin’ gig. As mentioned, we reserve the right to edit what you send – or to not use it at all. In any case, you have our undying gratitude and at least a chance of seeing your story in print – coming in Fall 2007 to a bookseller near you (ISBN 1-57731-545-6).

SPREAD THE WORD!! -- hopefully RIGHT NOW, while the people in your life still have the chance to submit their story, too!

Email your input to sheilakey@newmexico.com. Please include your real name, your (real!) age, and the first name (real or not) that you’d like us to use for you in our book and/or blog.

DEADLINE: August 31, 2006 (though sooner is better, as we could then use your input to stimulate further comments here at the blog). Many thanks!

Call for Stories: BODY

Section One: BODY

Correlations: Earth/North/Midnight

Concepts: physical health & fitness, material world, nature, all that is tangible

1. Way #1: Just Keep Breathing -- conscious use of breath, whether for stress reduction, in synch with exercise, for meditation, or anything else that’s breath-related (snoring, asthma, high-elevation endurance, etc.)
2. Way #2: Love Thy Body as Thy Self -- body image, beauty, physical changes (graying, wrinkling, sagging, spreading, fatigue, menopause, metabolism slowing down, etc.); listening to your body; loving your body in spite of it all.
3. Way #3: Don’t Let Gravity Get You Down -- posture, musculoskeletal issues, Alexander Method, Rolfing, bone health, “inversion boots” (or chairs), skin sagging, plastic surgery (boob jobs, tummy tucks, face lifts, collagen injections, permanent make-up, Botox, etc.), also repair of pelvic floor, bladder or uterine prolapse, etc. Plus weight training and other ways to “pump [clap!] YOU up!”
4. Way #4: Get Your Motor Runnin’ -- the importance of warming up first, how you rev up a slowing metabolism; caffeine and other stimulants, feeling “stuck” and how to get going; also the Eastern concept of the “dahn-jon” energy centers of the body.
5. Way #5: S-t-r-e-t-c-h---I-t---O-u-t -- Now that we’re warmed up, it’s time to s-t-r-e-t-c-h for muscle maintenance, flexibility, and to prevent injury. Did you learn this the hard way? Got a stretching disaster to share? Also, in the metaphorical sense: stretching beyond comfort zone, expanding horizons. Plus stretching in the sense of making something last.
6. Way #6: Run for Your Life! -- running and walking for fitness; running/walking buddies or groups; any kind of aerobics; keeping things “running” well in your life; “Pacing” yourself; races/marathons. Also foot problems and care, shoe stories, etc.
7. Way #7: Pause -- sabbatical, taking breaks and naps, recovery from hard exertion, meditation; how do you refresh & rejuvenate yourself? Also menopause
8. Way #8: Play Ball! -- This is mostly about the big “fitness” ball, used to strengthen core, improve balance and provide a gentler form of exercise; ball sports; the importance of play in general; also men’s health issues, prostate, male menopause, impotence, etc.
9. Way #9: Eat, Drink & Be Wary -- Changing your eating habits for healthier living; staying hydrated; experiences with fad diets, protein powder, power bars and other shortcuts; stories about comfort foods; overuse of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sleeping pills, recreational drugs, laxatives, etc.
10. Way #10: Take a Load Off Fanny -- body weight issues – gains and losses, “yo-yo” experiences; ALSO purging clutter, getting rid of extraneous stuff; giving things away; taking load off body, mind, and the environment. “Empty Nest” issues. Letting go of emotional baggage.
11. Way #11: “Fung” & “Shway” to Free Your Chi -- We could really use some feng shui stories (arranging your material sphere for balance and harmony with nature) or any stories about “rearranging your stuff.” ALSO what is your “place” in your life’s second half? Are you in “alignment”?
12. Way #12: Take the Waters -- hydration, skincare (moisturizers, sunscreen) Any skin cancer stories? Also swimming, water aerobics, boating, water sports, beach bumming. Tell us your SPA stories. How do you hydrate? Special drinks – tonics, elixirs, share you signature drink recipes!
13. Way #13: Spurn Your Bra -- clothing & other comforts. Let ‘em dangle! Tight bands and belts cut your chi. (Especially for him: “In the clearing stand your boxers.”) How has your fashion sense changed with age? Also: got La-Z-Boy? What are your other comforts? On a more serious note, this chapter also deals with breast cancer.
14. Way #14: Keep On Rockin’ Me Baby -- Kama Sutra, dahling! We wanna hear your sex-in-midlife stories! What’s your favorite euphemism for “doing the nasty”? Let’s talk, not just sex, but also drugs & rock’n’roll. Still rockin’ with your garage band? Any “lived experiences” involving drugs, legal and otherwise? Survivor stories? Hitting-bottom stories? Lived-to-tell-about-it stories?

Call for Stories: MIND

Section Two: MIND

Correlations: Air/East/Sunrise

Concepts: brain functions, thoughts, ideas, learning, knowledge, imagination, intuition, dreams (the sleep kind & aspirations), language & math

1. Way #15: Please Make a Note of It -- writing as a memory aid, taking notes, journaling concepts and ideas, writing an autobiography or a memoir!
2. Way #16: Fuhgeddaboudit! -- the value of purposeful forgetting, the importance of forgiveness, letting go--of past, grudges, bad habits. Also memory loss and aids to memory.
3. Way #17: Go With the Flow -- yielding to forces bigger than yourself, finding deeper meaning by aligning with spirit, immersing yourself in meaningful activity. Also intuition, serendipity, surrender, acceptance.
4. Way #18: Book ‘Em Danno -- making plans for “must-do’s” for the rest of your life, booking time with important people in our lives, financial planning and other important midlife planning. Also reading for learning and enjoyment, and booking your “50 thousand mile checkup.”
5. Way #19: Lay a Feast for the Muses -- feeding your creativity. Need inspiration? Be the food of the gods! Make yourself the best possible material for the Muses to work with; answer your creative urges; honor your authentic self. Also wanted: feasting stories!
6. Way #20: Say It Loud, Sing It Proud -- the power of words & of voice. Is your inner voice a supporter or a detractor? Communication, speaking your truth, chanting, singing, vocalizing, oral history. Also the healing qualities of sound.
7. Way #21: Know Your Yin From Your Yang -- duality and balance, change, East/West medicine: energy meridians, chi flow, stagnation, chakras. Also menopause as yin deficiency.
8. Way #22: Seize the Night – speaking of duality… don’t forget to “embrace the dark side”! Tap your subconscious, dream big, “sleep on it,” get up “dark & early”! Long nights of the soul, howling at the moon, dreaming. Also insomnia, sleep issues.
9. Way #23: Shake It Up Baby Now -- getting out of that rut! Doing something new, or something old in new ways. Growing your neural pathways and retraining your brain.
10. Way #24: Imagine All the People -- the power of vision & visualization, both individually and collectively; imagination, ritual, collective consciousness, community. Visualization in health and healing. Also vision in terms of eyesight.
11. Way #25: Believe It or Don’t – keeping an open mind, the power of prayer. Beliefs can help us, can also limit us. Can you list your “Top Ten Beliefs”? Have your beliefs changed as you’ve gotten older?
12. Way #26: Dance on the Head of a Pin -- pondering those unanswerable questions, life balance, striving to dwell among the angels – or even count yourself among the angels – on earth! Also physical balance as it relates to aging, proprioception.

Call for Stories: SOUL

Section Three: SOUL

Correlations: Fire/South/Noon

Concepts: actions, deeds, livelihood, spirituality, destiny, the eternal; also encounters

1. Way #27: Get Your Hands Dirty -- the value of hard work, gardening, planting trees, getting “down in the trenches,” building something from scratch. “If you build it they will come.” Also handwashing.
2. Way #28: Go Win One for the Team – “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” “Our diversity is our strength.” “Many hands make light work.” Group efforts, group process, teamwork. Also team sports.
3. Way #29: Sh@t or Get Off the Pot -- tick-tock, y’all! You gonna do that thing you’ve been talking about forever or what? Just do it! “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it” Getting started with the new, also dumping [sic] [or sick!] the old. Plus colon health. Got any hemorrhoid stories? Colonoscopy tales? Colonics, anyone?
4. Way #30: Hit the Road Jack -- Road trip! Explore the world, get out of town, enjoy a change of scene, visit far-flung friends. Staying healthy on the road. Also, the journey as metaphor --- as long as there’s movement within, there’s growth.
5. Way #31: Get Lost -- This is where the adventure begins! “Not all who wander are lost.” Tap into the power of chaos, make wonderful new discoveries. How do YOU “get lost” for R and R? What do you love to “get lost” in? A Buddhist master tells us to “refrain from doing the habitual thing” – this is how to awaken the soul. Plus: What would YOU pack in your “midlife survival kit”?
6. Way #32: Stop, Look & Listen – Time Out! Stop to smell the roses, appreciate nature, art, music. Notice! Use your senses, savor it, dwell in the now. Take stock of your life, be the observer. Attitude of gratitude. Also: “Eh? What’s that you say?” Tell us of your hearing loss and/or your lasic surgery or first pair of bifocals.
7. Way #33: Break On Through to the Other Side -- achieve the “aha” experience, even by tiny degrees; push for personal best, “go as far as you can, then one step further.” Find the edge. Push the envelope. Psychological breakthrough, transformation.
8. Way #34: Act Ageless -- letting go of the concept of “I’m too old to---” Fifty is just a number. Have you gotten any younger lately (i.e. lowered your “functional age” by getting into better shape)? Transcend the mundane; touch the eternal, dwell in the timeless. Do something “for the ages.” Revel in the “New Age.” Also, any stories related to The Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy: “In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations”?
9. Way #35: Mind Your Karma, Trim Your Dogma – practicing tolerance and the Golden Rule. Know-It-Alls and Holier-Than-Thous are such a drag! By now, can you resist the craving to correct someone’s misused word? Can you refrain from insisting that yours is the only “right way” to do things? How did you learn to “live & let live”? Any “pay it forward” stories?
10. Way #36: En-Lighten Up -- deepening spirituality in midlife; the search for inner peace and enlightenment. The spiritual search is a serious matter, but be gentle with yourself. How do you lighten your soul’s burden?
11. Way #37: Shine On You Crazy Diamond – dazzling the world with your unique self! Dr. Maria Montessori believed that everyone and everything in creation has a cosmic task to fulfill. Do you know your cosmic task? How did you discover it? Also, forget what the neighbors might think, and be a wild and crazy guy! Some of history’s most brilliant diamonds have been a little (or a lot) crazy. Shrinks don’t use that word, of course, but we’re interested in success stories regarding mental illness. Pseudonyms welcome!
12. Way #38: Look Death Right in the Eye – A brush with death can change a person for the better. Catching a glimpse of the grim reaper across the room can wake a person up to LIFE. Has it happened to you? Also: losing loved ones, planning for the inevitable, living like you were dying. Anyone care to write your own eulogy?

Call for Stories: HEART

Section Four: HEART

Correlations: Water/West/Sunset

Concepts: emotions, feelings, relationships, memories

1. Way #39: OK, Have a Crisis Already! – this cliché is like a get-out-of-jail-free card. If people are expecting you to have a crisis in midlife, then hey! Why not? We’re looking for stories on all the classics – the new motorcycle or convertible, say, or the sudden urge to climb Everest – as well as your own unique “take” on what it means to have a midlife crisis.

2. Way #40: Lose It or LOSE IT! – Can’t get no satisfaction? Then send the crazymakers packin’—before they make you crazier! As in the MIND section, where we devote a chapter to purposeful forgetting, here we encourage you to consider making some purposeful losses. Paradoxically, such losses can bring immeasurable gains! We're especially interested in stories of confronting addiction.
   

3. Way #41: Grieve – Then there are the losses we don’t choose. With aging comes all sorts of loss, and mourning is the appropriate response. Grieving your loss of youth can free you to enjoy more fully your new status as Elder! Also, have you noticed you’re attending more funerals these days? Lean into your grief and share your pain!

4. Way #42: Make the Call – Speaking of funerals… do you really want to go to your grave without making peace with that certain someone? Come on! Time’s a wastin’. Extend the proverbial olive branch. Even if it gets rejected, you may gain a sense of peace. Or have you already done so? Tell us about it!
   

5. Way #43: Party “Hearty” – Kick out the jams, man! It’s party time! Whether small and intimate, or huge and raucous, this is a tradition worth preserving. How do YOU plan to ring in your 50s? Or how DID you? In this chapter, we celebrate celebration as a way of life -- it's not just for special occasions anymore! “keeping it real,” relating always from the heart; also heart health.
   

6. Way #44: Respect Your Elders – No matter how grown-up you get to be, remember: There will always be others older and wiser. Besides, older is where we’re all headed, so we might as well learn from those who’ve gone before. Bask in their wisdom! We're especially interested in stories about aging-parent issues. Are you a member of the "sandwich generation," caring for both children and aging parents? Tell us about it!
   

7. Way #45: Respect Your Youngers – Remember, too, that older isn’t the only way to be wiser. There's much to be learned from looking at the world through children's eyes. Let your job as role model bring out your best self! Are you a mentor? A Big Brother/Big Sister? A foster parent? Did you become a parent for the first time in midlife? Do tell!
   

8. Way #46: Love, Love, Love – romance in midlife, whether with a new mate or within your decades-deep relationship; Also, love as a way of life, not just for your intimates, but for every sentient being! Helped a stranger lately? What's YOUR Love Story?
   

9. Way #47: Touch & Glow – Do you get by with a little help from your friends? Hey! Where would we be without them? Tending to friendships; the importance of human contact and getting/staying in touch with feelings.
   

10. Way #48: Launch Your Legacy – The Heart realm is about memories. How do you want to be remembered? We're way beyond first impressions now; what will be your lasting impression? Tell us what you want chiseled on your gravestone!
    

11. Way #49: Channel the Divine – "Hallelujah! ... Hallelujah!” Did you know Haydn wrote the Messiah in 21 days? Forsaking food and sleep, he just wrote and wrote as if there were no tomorrow! Many New Age authors insist that every one of us has access to this sort of divine inspiration. If you've experienced anything like it, we'd sure love to hear your story!

12. Way #50: Leave ‘Em Laughing – What better way to "leave your 40s" than to leave them laughing! Laughter heals; the good doctor Norman Cousins told us so (OK, he wrote of it) a generation ago. Even if you don't have a story to share, we hope you'll send us lots and lots of jokes.
    

HAVE WE LEFT ANYTHING OUT??

If you've stuck with us this deep into our blog, then we're going to go ahead and count you as "interested." And interested is definitely a good way to be!

Have you got a midlife story to tell, but you can't see quite where it fits in our book? Well, send it to us anyway!! First of all, if we like the story, we'll figure out a place to put it. But perhaps even more important, even with 50 chapters, each of which is multifaceted, we fret now and then that there's a glaring omission we haven't noticed yet -- and you may be just the person to point it out to us!

So DO TELL! Send us your story, even if -- indeed, especially if -- you don't see a chapter about it in any of the foregoing calls for stories.

Thanks!

Writers in the Storm

Sheila and I are just back from an intensive week at 9500 ft breathing rarefied air and writing like madwomen. It was as lovely and fulfilling as it looks.



This is the view from our cabin porch. Talk about inspiration!





Our work "space". Note timer, resource books, Angel cards and, of course, caffeine!



Clowning at the cabin.



Relaxing in town on the 4th of July.

Blog back prompts

I'd like to post a few specific questions here for readers to respond to. These are ideas/events/passages that many share, and we're looking for stories to include in the book. You don't have to be literary about it, just tell us your story and we can re-tell it if necessary.

1. Tell us about something new you did in your 40's or 50's.
2. What do you do for relaxation?
3. What is a creative outlet for you?

(Ack! Someone at the door. Di and Sheila - please add more!)

Peg 4/21

On again, off again

Hi Peg. Hi readers all. Peg is right: internet access is catch-as-catch-can here at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Actually, all the buildings of this world-class facility have wireless networks people can use for free, but that doesn't always guarantee I can access the internet -- indeed, I'm off more than on, it seems. All the walls around here are lined with lead, so cell phones are useless, and I suspect the same culprit is what's frustrating my attempts to go online. My email isn't getting to me -- indeed, for some inexplicable reason, it's not even getting to my internet service provider, so web mail does me no good. I realize it was not that long ago we survived just fine without all these technologies, but now that I'm accustomed to having internet access on demand... well, these current difficulties are harshing my mellow.

I'll survive. And I'll be back at'cha on Monday, if not sooner.

Hi Sheila! Good to hear from you, from your lead-lined Hall of Health. Don't worry; life goes on and your bloggees are still here.

I've been doing some research for The Book and have discovered some cool things. For example, it is okay to freeze water bottles but microwaving plastic doesn't get blanket approval. You can make your own Oral Rehydration Solution at home, and I have some recipes. Human Growth Hormone is NOT the fountain of youth. It's possible to "overdose" on water.

My research location is none other than our favorite Napoli coffee shop, where I think I've just about overstayed my welcome. The mocha and scone are long gone, and I need a break before I start putting some of this acquired wisdom into my own words.

Write on!

Love,

Peg

Oh, Hey! I just saw that I am now able to do more than just comment! I knew this was coming, but forgot. (mid-life memory? whassat?) Thanks for including me. -- Di

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Sing it with me: "...Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go..."

OK, I actually do know that I'll be back on the 23rd, late. And I don't really hate to go, because I'm going in order to be a caregiver for my brother, who's battling liver cancer, so there's absolutely no hate involved.

Anyway, as soon as a fellow passenger here at the "charging station" near Gate A12 told me that she was discovering free wi-fi, well, I couldn't resist doing a little blogging from Albuquerque's newly (or, perhaps, continually) renovated International Sunport. So... here it is.

OH! And none too soon. They're calling my flight. Ciao for now. I'll 'blog' ya next from the Twin Cities. One of my other brothers, the one who actually lives in that area, has tix for us for tonight's Twins-(um?)Yankees game. I think it's the Yanks; know for sure it's the Twins, of course. So, Peg! By tonight I'll be "doing research" for our Way #8: Play Ball!

Gotta go.

Enjoy the game, Sheila, and the family time. Best wishes go with you for your brother's health. I'll be doing my best to format those docs we discussed and do my marginalia assignments. Today while you were flying, I was "doing research" for our Way #(oh dear, I don't know them like you do)"Win one for the team" by running line on three consecutive soccer games. Lordy I'm whupped from trying to keep pace with 14 year olds! Will this keep me youthful when I turn 50?

Love
Peg

Dear Readers - I believe Sheila does not have internet access where she is. I'm sure she'd be blogging daily if she did. Please bear with us (all you dozens of loyal readers) while we both write outside the blog. She'll be back in a few days.
Peg 4/18/06

Middle Aged Memory

Reader, if you can relate, let us know with a comment or a story about your own memory "issues"!

Middle Aged Memory

I remember exactly what I need until the moment I leave the room in search of it. It’s as if a magic breeze flows through the house, sweeping my mind clean of its every intention the moment I cross a sill. Gone. Empty. Forgotten. I stand there, bemused, searching for the thought I had possessed a scant moment before. Where was I going? What was I looking for?

If I fight it, if I get angry or frustrated, if I grieve my aging acuity, all is lost.

But if I stand receptive, in silence, lo and behold. The currents swirl, the breeze comes around again. Gentle as a settling leaf, it drops my thought back into my head, and twists away chuckling.

Joker.

What! Your thought comes back? You mean, without even having to go back to the room where it was conceived? Wow! Now there's an awesome middle-aged memory!

Hahaha! I've heard "proper names & then nouns" go first. Where I work, we just substitute the word "thing" for whatever we've forgotten. It gets pretty comical!

Seriously, though, I got some great advice from a wise man (yes!) who said, "You know you know it. Just ask!" What?? Well, one day Dave & I were headed out and I was upstairs thinking, "when I go down, I need to get the house key out of the drawer" (don't ask). Shortly thereafter, I go downstairs and into the kitchen (well past said drawer) and think "now *what* was I going to do?" I remembered my wise friend and stood there in the kitchen, back to the counter and said to meself "I know you can tell me what I'm trying to remember. I've been told to 'just ask,' so, please? And then it came, "the key." How do you like that? Try it sometime!

The Twins sent those Yankees packin'

Last night’s ballgame was fabulous. It was against the Yankees, after all. The Twins had been ahead 4-0 early on, then the Yanks made it 4-5, where it stood heading into the bottom of the ninth – and wouldn’t you know those Twins would go and score two on a single by Justin Murnow! (Don't know if I'm spelling that name right; except for such biggies as the Olympics, Superbowl and World Series, I don't follow sports much.) As he went to the plate, the Twins had runners on 2^nd and 3^rd and only two outs, so those runners were running by time Murnow’s grounder left his bat. Then it was all over for the big, bad Yankees -- and for those obnoxious Yankee fans who were sitting right across from us. Very exciting end to a very good game! And now I can say I’ve seen the exalted Yankees play live.

Only wish I hadn’t done any business with the beer vendors -- not after those two glasses of red wine I had earlier at the home my brother’s friend. Made for a yucky Easter morning. You’d think, "at my age" (a phrase always spoken in a little-old-lady voice), that I’d know better than to mix my grape ande grain. Ugh!

Sounds exciting, Sheila! Now you can check off "See the exalted Yankees play live" from your List. Keep us posted as to your exploits up there in the North country. Love, Peg

(PS I've archived all the blog entries up 'til this one into Word files on my laptop. Now I can check that off my list, at least for this week!)

Hail Mary, Mother of God

Peg! Check out this email I got this afternoon:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Flashing You the Big Five-Oh!":

HI Sheila,

i was sent by your pal Diane whom i have had the pleasure of corresponding with via Zaadz.com.
How may I be of service to you? What in particlar do you need feedback or support around? I'd be happy to offer support.

Mary

Is that cool or what?

HEY, DIANE -- Thanks for sending Mary our way! I sent her a quickie email on my way out to get the kids, as she was kind enough to provide her direct e-dress. (Or is it idress nowadays?) Suggested she explore the "Official Website," starting with the Chapter Titles & Teasers. Copied in the link... that is, in the email I did. All these months as a blogger and still I'm html-phobic! I'm gonna invite her to become a member of the blog...

MARY?! ARE YOU CHECKING BACK? Did you get my invitation? Did you explore the Official 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s website? http://www.50waystoleaveyour40s.com/index.html

READERS ALL! To go straight to the chapter list -- to read up on the "50 Ways" themselves -- go to http://www.50waystoleaveyour40s.com/chapters.html. Way better than any old ordinary table of contents, this one Diane has rigged up with a cool little roll-over utility: just roll your mouse over any one of the Ways, and a thumbnail description of that chapter will appear.
Thank you, Diane!

(I don't call the woman WebsterGirl for nothing! Picture her in superhero's spandex...)

OK, I gotta go.

Love, love, LOVE to you all, Diane, Peg and now Mary. See how great love is? Great Goddess Almighty, Mary arrives out of the blue saying what can I do? Care to lengthen this poem?

Wow,

Sheila

Fantastish, my deah! Welcome, Ms. Mary! Please do come back, share your stories, and tell all your friends to come too!

Love
Peg

Authors, Incorporated

Hey! Lookie here! I'm posting this at the very minute the moon is reaching full!

Just a quick note to all who may care: Peg and I "sealed the deal" today, signing our agreement as the moon waxed to full within the Zodiac's most balanced, harmonious and cooperative sign, Libra. Woo-hoo! And on the 13th of the month, no less.

(Pop Quiz! How many full moons are there in a year?)

So! Sheila Key and Peggy Spencer are now officially book-writing partners (even if we are not, according to the strict letter of the law, incorporated). Congratulations to us!


P.S. Peg -- Diane told me how you can make your full name appear under Contributors, at the top. Let me know if you're interested.

I'm so excited I have to post in my favorite purple. Sealed deal on the full moon! It's gotta be good luck!

I'll feel 100% settled when we get the contract from NWL and make it Official, but, as we said earlier today after signing, it's our commitment to each other that's most important.

I'm honored, pleased, excited, tickled purple!

Write on!

Love,

Peg

PS Sure, put my full name at the top.

PPS I know I should be doing ALL my writing for 50 Ways, but I'm not. I've been writing on my pegspot blog (true confessions). But hey, it's all practice, right? Please do come visit.
PegSpot

Sheila here again -- you'll know it's me by the orange I wear... (now that I finally found the "compose" screen with the text-color tool so obviously available!).

Diane told me, to change your name as it appears under Contributors, you'd have to go in at your end, Peg, under Edit Profile, and change your Display Name. Diane said changes in this field will affect all the places where your name is currently auto-generated as peg. If you'd rather not be Peggy Spencer MD throughout the known blogosphere, please choose a comfortable alternative. In any case, my internal English teacher wants to insist that you at least capitalize, my dear partner!

Done! I compromised. Did the capitalization, did the full name, left off the MD. It's in my profile anyway.

You look good in orange!

peg --oops, I mean Peggy Spencer, Medical Doctor!!!

The moon may be waning now, but I'm still grinning.
I like the 'new you' under Contributors.

orangely, Sheila

So clean it shines

Good morning, Peg. And it IS still morning, how about that? I've been busy-busy. Looking forward to our first beefy work session at noon -- and glad to be meeting over here this time. I always owe a debt of gratitude to my guests, for the clean house they inspire me to create.

Hey, did I ever tell you about "cleaning exercise" that comes at the end of my Dahn yoga classes? It's another story, to be sure, but permit me to boast. I not only swept. And I didn't even mop. I got down on my hands and knees, as we do after yoga, and scrubbed the floor! OK, not the whole floor; I stopped at the back hallway. Still, together with the major "tidy-up blast" we did last weekend, it's looking fairly decent around here, if I say so myself.

Hey -- it's you on the phone! Sandwich? Sure: turkey & provolone on whole wheat, w/everything. Thanks for asking! See you soon.

More from 26.2 Mama

A couple days ago I posted a tiny bit of the transcript from my interview with Stephanie Robey, my marathoning friend in L.A. Here's more of what she had to say -- indeed, this is the "meat of the matter" and a wonderful contribution to Way #4: Run for Your Life!

What I learned from marathoning – you were talking about how you trip yourself up, how things get out of control – well, that happened to me, Sheila, in a huge way about 7 or 8 years ago. I had a falling out with my brother and my dad about a business deal, and it just seemed like my life was so out of control. I had three businesses going and everything was out of control. My finances..., my marriage… I just felt like everything was out of control, right? I think that’s why the whole idea of marathoning appealed to me.

They say that people who choose to do [marathons] are just complete control freaks. ‘Cause, you know, it’s all about YOU! [laughs] Yeah, they say anyone who... does any kind of ultra-sporting, that they are just complete control freaks. What you learn is that you are completely in control!

You know, you can do a thing – even a thing as big as this – if you just break it up into bite-size chunks. But there is no way you can go out and run 26.2 miles without training. There’s just no way. I know people who are cross-country champions, people who are really elite runners, and (after their first marathon) they say, ‘Well, I’m a really good distance runner, I'm fast, I run a 6- 7-minute mile. I thought I’d have no problem on a marathon. And I was doing really great until I hit 16 miles. Then I crashed.”

The thing about marathoning is, it doesn’t matter who you are, you have to train for it. Your body --- It’s such a huge feat on your body that you have to break it up. You have to get your body into some kind of condition to run it. And it takes time! It takes, minimum, 4 months, and you should allow 6 months...

Now, I look at everything in terms of, "OK, here’s the goal. Here’s the Big, Hairy Audacious Goal: I want to sell my company. Here’s the goal: I want X amount of dollars." So, then you just turn around and go, “Well, what’s the training schedule? What are we going to do -- monthly, weekly, daily -- to meet this goal?” You have to work it out. “Where am I at the halfway point? Where am I at the three-quarter point? What are my milestones?” Just like in the marathon! Then you know, when you get into it, you learn the process, you’ve laid out your whole plan. And it doesn’t have to be like a 50-page business plan. It could be a mental plan, but you’ve laid it out, so you know, “By this date, I’m here.” And when you hit that date, if you’re not there, well, you readjust. And it keeps you from panicking. It keeps you from panicking.

Same thing when you’re running a marathon: You’re at that start line, the gun goes off, you’ve trained, you don’t know what your time is going to be, but you know you’re ready, and you know, in that first mile, you actually have to hold yourself back, because you have to conserve your energy.

And when you hit the first 5K, you think, “Hey, I just ran a 5K!” You’re not thinking, “Oh my God, I still have 23 miles to go.” You never think that. You think, “I’ve done the 5K.” Pretty soon, “Oh, I just ran a 10K.” Soon after that, it’s “Look, I’ve finished the half-marathon.”

OK, then you hit the wall, and everything in your mind and body says, “Oh my God, stop now!” And yet, you’re going, “I only have a 10K to go! Look how far I’ve come, and all I have left to do is 6 miles.” You know, you just start breaking it down that way, and that's --- That has helped me tremendously with everything in life. I don’t care if it’s gardening, if it’s remodeling the house, if it’s helping my husband get a new career going, whatever it is, I stop and say, “What’s the goal?” and “Let’s break it down.”

Even turning 40 and 45 and all that stuff, even at that point, I’m able to now say, “OK, when I’m 50, I want to be here. Where am I today? How difficult is that? Is it really possible? And what do I need to do to get there?”

So, getting back to the whole control issue, you know, people are called control freaks, and we take that to be an insult, really. But in actuality, it’s not an insult. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being in control. It’s just being in control of yourself verses controlling other people. There’s a big difference.

It just occurs to me as I said that, that the best part about coaching kids to run the marathon – and now I have a team of women runners that I run with – is that, it’s so funny: We as individuals don’t always believe in ourselves, but other people who don’t even know us that well can have tremendous faith in us. And it’s so easy, just by encouraging people, when they say to me, “Oh, I’ll never even run a 10K,” I’ll just have to chuckle to myself, because, after a couple months, they’re out there running and training, and the next thing you know, they’re running a 10K! And they don’t even remember that old voice, you know, that self-talk of “I’ll never, I can’t.” You know, they did it!

Way #8: Play Ball!

Welcome back, Peg! It was fun to read your post from the road. I know what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas, but, you mentioned playing three games with your 45+ women's team... May I ask: How did your team do? Don't want to come right out and ask, "Did you win?" because I know it's not always about winning. But I did want to ask how y'all felt about, you know, what happened in Vegas.

Of course you may ask. We actually played another game the following morning at 8am, for a tournament total of 4 games. Our record was 0:2:2. That's 0 wins, 2 ties, and 2 losses. We were actually quite pleased with that given our past record (pathetic) and our numbers (too few healthy, too many injured). As to what else "happened in Vegas"...I'm afraid we're all too old, er, I mean, wise for any craziness. We dined, we (mostly window-) shopped, we people watched. We noticed that our shoes were flat and our chests covered, as contrasted to the more "typical" (if there is such a thing) Las Vegas female tourist. We congratulated ourselves on our good sense and pain-free backs as a result. Oh, and we ate at In-N-Out Burger twice! French fries fresh off the potato - yum! I didn't gamble a single cent.

Also, Peg. I was thinking... How would you like to 'play ball' on this chapter? I myself am not much of an athlete, at least not in terms of team sports. But as you know from my notes in The Tome (translation: our big, three-ring Book of the Book), team sports has a place in this chapter. I hadn't thought it would be the central place -- that, I thought, would be the big exercise ball they use in gyms these days -- but now I'm thinking (oh no, I feel a metaphor a'comin')...

How 'bout we run a reverse play? How about I pass the ball to you on this one?

I'm open, I'm open! Running down the line, ready for a pass, I'll receive, shoot and score!!!

The exercise-ball bit becomes a sidebar that I write, and the team-sports bit becomes the central chapter essay, written by YOU, the new rookie (um) runningback on this project! (OK, tell me some of the positions in soccer -- since, in my ignorance, I'm trotting out words from the other kind of football.)

You be the sweeper (that's the last defender before the goalkeeper - crucial position). I'll be the left (as in "out in left field" to mix metaphors) midfielder.

What do you say, Peg? Wanna "Play Ball"?

I'm game. Kickoff in five, four.....let's talk! Love, Peg

Love, Sheila

P.S. from PS - For this chapter, I'm thinking not only about writing about my experience with soccer (stay active, do a team sport, etc - include other ball sports like racquetball and tennis, other team sports like kickball, softball), but also about "stepping up to the plate" - getting involved in something you believe in, take action. Like your "get in the game" and "get off the bench" notes for this chapter. As I said, let's huddle!

What Happens in Vegas

Hello from Sin City!

I've come out here for a perfect 50 Ways event. It's a women's "friendly" soccer tournament. Nobody under 30 allowed. Women from all over the West gather to enjoy the city and each other, and run around in the desert sun kicking a ball. The teams are divided into: Over 30, Over 40, Over 45, and Over 52 (don't ask me where they got that one). I'm thrilled to be playing on an Over 45 team, with other gals about my speed.

I chuckled today when I heard one of my teammates speaking to her daughter back home on the phone. "Are you getting ready for your game, honey? So am I!"

We had three games today and now I have to quit cuz the gals are chomping at the bit to go to Caesar's Palace for dinner and shopping at FAO Schwartz. Might toss a nickle in a slot machine, but all you gotta do is look at all the glitz and you can see who wins all the wagers around here!

Love,
Peg

26.2 Mama

My friend Stephanie took up marathoning a while back. What fun to talk with her yesterday for the first time since my husband and I moved away from her neck o' the woods in 1994! After cutting the call short to go get the kids from school, I called her back to hear one of her stories again, this time with tape rolling.

Here's a partial transcript:

My son Austin got into [marathoning] when he was 10, through the LA Unified School District…There’s this special program [called Students Run L.A.] sponsored by Honda. They’ve had it for about 13 years now, and basically what they do is they train junior-high-age and high-school-age kids – many of them at-risk kids – to run marathons.

It’s not about racing. It’s not about having a fast time. It’s about the journey and setting a huge – what we call in graduate school a big, hairy, audacious goal, a B-HAG. [Steph, 44?, recently earned her MBA at Pepperdine.] A B-HAG is something that you think never in a million years could you do – like, these at-risk kids, some of them think, ‘Never in a million years will I amount to anything. I’m going to be just like my parents, I’m going to be on welfare, I’m not going to have a job, I’m going to sell drugs, you know, I’m going to be a gangbanger,’ right? So they take these kids and they say, ‘We’re going to train you to run a marathon.’
And I was a coach…

Now, I’ve gotta tell ya, a lot of kids, they come in to the program and they have attitude, and… they can’t even run a mile. But for whatever reason –remember, they choose to be there; it’s a purely optional after-school program – so for whatever reason, they show up, they run a mile, and they think, ‘OK, that wasn’t too bad.’ Then, the next week we’re up to three miles. Then, all of a sudden, they’re running 16, 18 miles! And their posture changes, you know they stand up straight, they’re proud of themselves, they start doing their homework, their grades improve, some of them start running for office and taking on extra-curricular activities in school. But the coolest thing about Students Run L.A. – for 12-15 years they’ve monitored the kids who’ve done this, and there’s this one girl now who’s training for the U.S. Olympic marathon team. That’s cool, but listen, this is the coolest thing about Students Run L.A.: They have a 99% success rate of these kids going on to finish college.

Doesn’t that give you goose bumps?

…I did it because I didn’t know if I could do it. [laughs] And yet, there I was, I thought, if these little 10- and 11-year-olds can do this, then, by God, I can help them. So I got into the program for my own reasons, but I ended up – I’ve trained, by now, more than 200 kids to finish the L.A. Marathon. And it’s so cool because now I go on the campus near where my kids go to high school – they go to two different high schools, but anyway – I go onto this campus, and these kids I’ve known since they were 11 years old, there they are! And they’re like, “Hi, Mrs. Robey!” It is the greatest feeling in the world, it really is.

So I’m a marathon mom, that’s what they call me. My license plate on my minivan is “26.2 Mama.”

Habit Forming

For more than half an hour now, I've been sitting here like Charlie Kaufman (as played by Nicholas Cage) in "Adaptation" -- body slouched at my keyboard, fingers poised to tap out brilliance, mind straying anywhere but toward the task at hand. Every fiber of my being wants to go back to bed, but the (shall we say) non-fibrous part of me is determined not to.

I think of Wayne Dyer, talking about Rumi's poetic advice -- "The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you; don't go back to sleep." Having decided to use this advice to compel himself into an early-rising habit, he made up his mind that whenever he awoke in the wee hours, he would force himself to at least put his feet on the floor.

"Try it," he said, "and if you absolutely must go back to sleep, then learn to sleep in a sitting position, so you can keep your feet on the floor."

So I figure I'm making progress in my bid for better habits. Even if all I do here is sit here, body slouched, fingers poised, mind straying.... at least my feet are on the floor.


Sheila - You're a better dawncracker than I am, Gunga Din! Funny - your "feet on the floor" reminds me of the admonition given my grandmother when she attended the first co-ed college in the country (Oberlin College, 1926). "Young ladies may have gentelman guests in their room as long as they maintain the following rule: Four feet on the floor, and a basket in the door. " (wastebasket) Those were the days!

As you know, my internet was down yesterday, which would have been inordinately frustrating except that I spent most of the day sleeping off a stomach virus. I'll get back in the fray today. I have a ten hour drive to Las Vegas with a plug adaptor - that oughta create productivity, eh? Kinda like your scarf-on-the-chair-arm trick.

Love
Peg

Getting up dark and early

Managed to set my alarm in the a.m. this time. Been up writing for an hour already. Now sunrise approaches, judging by the color of the sky outside my clerestory windows. AND that rooster crowing his fool head off in the distance.

Way #19: Seize the Night
This is in the MIND section of the book, the realm of thoughts, ideas, the creative process, dreams.
I am so much more a night owl than an early bird, but I have found there is no better time to write than in the predawn hours. (The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep.) So I drag my sorry butt out of bed, brew up some strong coffee, and plant myself in front of my screen. I have not resorted to tethering my arm to the chair -- not yet -- but, as I say, it's early.

The Way of TODAY (by God!)

Ever tried tying yourself to your chair, in a desperate bid to finish the task at hand? "Desperate times call for desperate measures," right? So I've brought not one but two fresh, hot beverages with me to my desk this morning, and -- God help me! -- I've redeployed my custom-painted silk neck scarf as something of a tether, to bind my left elbow loosely to the arm of the chair. Let the dog bark, let the doorbell ring; come hell or high water, I'm not getting up from this chair until I've clicked "Publish Post" below. So there.

OK, I don't want to use the B-word -- you know, as in "writer's b _ _ _ _" -- but I have been trying to write this [more unmentionable words] chapter for weeks now, this one called Way #18: Lay a Feast for the Muses. Yeegadz, had the Muses truly been coming for dinner, imagine! I'd be frantically dialing the 9-1-1 of pizza delivery services about now. How tacky would THAT be?

Did you ever see the film, "Adaptation," in which the screenwriter Charlie Kaufman struggles with the task of adapting Susan Orlean's The Orchid Thief for the big screen? Oh man, I laughed 'til I cried -- or did I cry 'til I laughed? Either way, it was painfully humorous to watch Charlie Kaufman's character (a screenwriter named Charlie Kaufman) go through his mental, emotional, psychological and sometimes even physical contortions to get the job done. I remember telling my therapist about the scenes in which he's bent over his 1980s-era typewriter, fingers poised -- yeah, more like fingers paralyzed! -- while, in voiceover, his thoughts stray...

"I wish I had some coffee," he thinks. "Yeah, coffee and a muffin... Wait. I should get some writing done and then go get coffee and a muffin... as a reward. Yeah, that's what I'll do." [long pause, fingers still idle, pause... pause........]

"...Banana-Nut, that's a good muffin."

God, I laughed! I have SO been there. I have SO done that. Same with a later scene: Bent over his typewriter again, this time Charlie bursts into a frenzy of typing, while in voiceover he narrates his script's opening line, something about an old-model pickup truck hurtling down a dirt road in Florida's Everglades and turning right at a sign for a nature conservancy (or thereabouts). At the end of this single sentence, our hapless hero sits back from his keyboard, heaves a heavy sigh and says out loud, "I need a break!"

Any writers in the room? Raise your hand if you've been there, done that? You know I'd raise mine, too, but it's tied to the chair just now.

OK, so I told my therapist about these scenes from "Adaptation," together with my confession that this is ME all over the place. She smiled and nodded, knowingly (the way therapists always do, right?). Then, by golly, she earned her long dollars as a professional therapist by saying, "Well, at least he keeps putting himself in the position. He's struggling, to be sure, but he keeps trying, keeps showing up, keeps sitting there in front of his typewriter."

YESS! And I've got another name for it. What Kaufman's neurotic (yet exemplary) character keeps doing in that movie is.... LAYING A FEAST FOR THE MUSES! Because, not to gross anybody out or anything, but when you're hosting a feast for the Muses, the question is not "what's on the menu?" but rather "who?" And the answer, dear one, is always YOU!

Newcomers to this blog may be interested to know that I've been developing this book idea, 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s, for more than five years now. I've been gathering ideas, talking to people, entering writing contests with the proposal, shopping it around to agents and editors. I even upgraded my desktop computer and bought a laptop -- equipping myself, making myself perfectly ready to write the book. I want -- I need -- all available Muses to hover near. So all these years, I have been putting together the best possible, most delicious, visually appealing, awe-inspiring, nutritionally balanced, gloriously celebratory (albeit metaphorical) FEAST that I could possibly muster, so as to wine and dine the divine nine, Los Muses!

So, after signing a book deal with New World Library before Christmas (and considering that such a deal made my feast-laying preparations complete), I chose this chapter, Way #18: Lay a Feast for the Muses, as one of the first chapters I'd write. And yet, the chapter wouldn't come. Try as I might -- this way, that way, every which way but loose -- the words just would not flow! The chapter refused to be tamed!

Now, this week, as I'm welcoming "the good doctor" Peggy Spencer into this project (Welcome again, Peg, and thank you for your WILLINGNESS & READINESS-- two more yummy treats for the gods!), it occurs to me: Maybe the reason this chapter wouldn't come together is that I had not quite finished laying the feast yet.

Are you familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? Well, whether you are or not, I was in no way surprised, when I took the test, to learn that I am (as I like to put it) "OFF-THE-CHARTS EXTROVERTED." Anyone who knows me knows that. I am a TALKER. I am what today's educators would call (as they do in the cases of both of my children) "high-verbal." ALLLLLL this to say (in my high-verbal way), that I should have known that I needed an assistant on this project. I have needed someone to bounce ideas off of. I have needed someone to talk to about it. I have needed, well, someone to help me lay a feast this royal.

In "Adaptation," Charlie Kaufman invents a twin brother for himself, one who is every bit as easy-going as Charlie himself is neurotic. I hope I've found as good a balance in the thankfully-NOT-invented Peg Spencer.

Well, lookie here. I'm gonna click "Publish," untie my scarf and go fetch my high-verbal kids from school. More soon, I promise.

Sheila - you did it! The Way of TODAY (by God!) !! You are SO FUNNY! Tied yourself to the chair with a silk scarf, did ya? I love it.

Thank you for your kind words about me. I am SO HERE for you, my friend. This will be a glorious feast!

Love,

Peg

A public blogging?

Sheila - I tried to interweave comments into your morning blog, but messed up the html somehow and it wouldn't "take".

I'm here to help.

Shall I flog you publicly? "Where's that Daily Way? Come on, cough it up. Get on the stick!"

Or shall I encourage you publicly? "You can DO it, Sheila! I have faith! You ROCK!"

I prefer the second option, but am willing to do whatever you need me to do to help. Well, almost anything. Daily latte delivery is a tad out of my league. ;)

Love,
Peg

Oh, crap! Now I messed up so thoroughly that your post is lost! I'm sorry!!!! I'm the one who needs a public blogging! I'll try to fix it.

I managed to get some of it back, but somehow I lost the part about your brother. The hazards of co-blogging. My sincere apologies. Love, Peg (4/5/6)

Alarmed by my alarm clock

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.

I forgot to tape that to my forehead. MAN is it hard to get out of bed this week!

Well, I'm up at dawn, so I'm here in time for the secrets. But I was supposed to be up two hours ago, "dark and early" as I like to say. I set my clock for 4:30. Yes, 4:30. Only problem is I didn't notice I was in the PM realm, not the AM realm. I woke up on my own around 6:12 and went, "awwwww!" :( Oops!

Speaking of time (aren't I always?), I've spent way too much of it by this point trying to write a blog piece about Way #18: Lay a Feast for the Muses. Once I took the process over to MSWord, so I could have the full range of word-processing tools I know and love, I let myself get mired down again. And again. Sssssiiiiiiiigghhhhhhhhh.... Don't get bogged down, get "blogged" down! Maybe if you think of it, again, as a note to me, or a series of notes to self, rather than "a piece" that will take some pressure off. Would it help if I bug you? "Where's today's blog, Sheila, where is it, huh? Come on, cough it up, girl!" Or encourage you? "You can DO it! I know you can! I have faith in you! You rock!"

Ruminating on Rumi

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

I found it! Last week, over at my friend Mary's house, I caught a bit of Wayne Dyer's latest PBS special. Mary had seen it once already, had even urged me to be on the lookout for it, as it -- that is, he, Dr. Dyer -- had helped Mary out of a funk. His message had given her enough of a nudge to overcome the quagmire of midlife inertia that had engulfed her; Dyer's message helped Mary to get moving again. Now, with her finger on the 'pause' button, she was rolling tape, capturing every word (and editing out the repeated pledge breaks!). I thought I had dropped by Mary's house for a quick hello. Instead, I helped myself to a piece of couch and settled in for an hour.

SO MANY THINGS that Wayne Dyer said really spoke to me, but none so much as these two lines he borrowed from the Persian religious scholar and poet Rumi:

"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep."

I will be honest: I love to sleep. Were sleeping an Olympic event, I'd be a gold medalist many times over! Today, finding the full verse in my husband's copy of The Essential Rumi, translations by Coleman Barks with John Moyne (ISBN 0-7858-0871-X), I smile knowingly at the thrice-written line: Don't go back to sleep. Can't you just hear the soul struggling, "back and forth across the doorsill" between the snugly warmth of continued dreaming and the bracing chill of new-day wakefulness?

Speaking of... it's time to rouse my sleeping babes from their beds -- not an easy task so soon after "springing forward." Oh, but it is a school day and, with "Dad" at work -- doing his station's pledge breaks* -- it's all up to me, Mom, to get them there.

More soon.
Love, Sheila

* "his station" is KUNM in Albuquerque, streaming live (should you care to tune in) at http://www.kunm.org/listen/.

Way of the Day: #18: "Lay a Feast for the Muses"

Dear Peg,

This blog entry wants to be in the form of a letter to you. As you know, I've been struggling to write this Way for some time -- ever since signing the contract with New World Library before Christmas. Most of my finished chapters were in the BODY section, the first section of the book. But when our ed VB asked me which three chapters I'd like to tackle next, I listed the next two BODY chapters plus this one.

Way #18: "Lay a Feast for the Muses" is in the MIND section. We're calling on those nine Greek lovelies (any or all) to bless us with a big idea. To hover near and channel the ever-lovin' light of divine inspiration upon us. To sprinkle their fairy dust.



[in progress]
[obviously]

Purple is my personal muse color.

Sheila - I read your notes for this chapter in The Tome and did some Mind Mapping which I can share with you Friday when we meet. Inspiration and Creativity. "Making yourself available to the creative process" (S. Key, "50 Ways..") A few random thoughts/threads for the tapestry:

We are all creative beings. Our creations may be in vastly different forms, but we do create. Not only that, by this time in our lives we are all experts in something, even if that's "just" in our own lives. We may be "lay people" in some areas, but are experts in others.

Some of our expertise and creative skills have been dormant, while we raised kids, did marriage, had a career, whatever. Now is a good time to dust them off (e.g. my cello sitting in the corner) and revive them.

I like to refer to inspiration sources as "muse juice". What inspires you? (reader "you"). When/where/with whom/doing what are you most creative? What's your creative outlet? Work? Cooking? Gardening? Arts? Music? Dance? Writing? Crafts? We can suggest they try something new. Sources of inspiration can be from outside or inside.

The muse is us. The muse is within us. We have the power within us to "live our lives fully" (S. Key, ibid). This is the tip of another iceberg. Buddhists say we have everything we need, within ourselves, to understand life and gain all the wisdom we need.

I did a big mind map on FEAST, with the four "food groups" you talk about - earth, air, fire, water. Some highlights:

1. earth - connection to nature, fruit (your ambrosia recipe), get dirty! (try something new)
2. air - you breathe rarefied air (you are unique, celebrate yourself), sidebar on gas?
3. fire - excitement, enthusiasm, sex, anger/emotions (say it out loud!), out of the frying pan into the f.
4. water - drink it, jump in! , sink or swim (?!), Ohhhh the waters (song)

OK, 'nuff for tonight - handing off the loom to you for the next thread. Let's weave! (Peg 4/3)

Good morning, Peg! Good morning, Sheila! What fun, after getting up DARK and early, to find your musings (MUSE-ings) woven in among my own. And to see my own musings quoted -- ibid, even! -- as if they were already published in a real, live book somewhere... well, how's that for validation?! Oh good. Validation is muy importante!

Listen! I have another Blogger question. Yesterday, when we started this weaving, and you intuitively chose my favorite color orange for my text... well, I could see how you had done it. There was a color-chart-with-T-for-text icon that I could click on. But ever since then, the only editing screen I'm finding (and using, right now for instance) has no such icon. So.... HOW DO I SELECT COLOR FOR MY TEXT? Hmm. Well, I don't know why you're not getting it. It's right up there for me. You click on the Posting tab, then on Edit Posts, and then you should get a list of the posts. Click the Edit button next to the post you want to edit, then you should get a little composition screen. Once you type your text, you can select it with the mouse, then pick a color.

Gadzooks! I am *still* such a newbie at blogging. Hang in there with it! Just takes practice. (Peg 4/4)

HI. Sheila here again. No, Blogger is not always the same for me -- not just the same as it is for you, but not even the same as it is for me. Like now, for instance, when I did all this: ...You click on the Posting tab, then on Edit Posts, and then you should get a list of the posts. Click the Edit button next to the post you want to edit, then you should get a little composition screen I find myself in a screen that's showing the html code. But the two tabs that are usually up in the right corner -- html and compose, is it? -- those are nowhere to be found. Sometimes I have a screen that looks slick and finished, sometimes one that's like bare-bones, no-frills. Sometimes it's something in between: like, the no-frills screen but with a few icons I can click on (usually for bold, italic, insert image... there's a set of quote marks for setting, I think, a block quote. But today, right now, nothing. Just this box in which I'm typing, a field above it for Title: and the stuff below about allowing new comments yes or no, and the change time & date. Then, finally, the blue and orange 'save as draft' and 'publish post' buttons. Well, now THAT's really weird. It sounds as if something "disappeared" your "Edit HTML" and "Compose" tabs. What happens if you click where they're supposed to be? Does it go back to "compose" mode?

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? Yes, I do. That's my usual browser -- and when you were here, I thought maybe that was the problem (remember, the "invite member" screen or whatever it was called looked funky that day, too). Thing is, if I close and reopen, sometimes the page's appearance is drastically changed, other times the changes are less noticeable. Anyway, I guess I've gone on long enough to say that Blogger has quite a range of appearance at my end. Sounds like a computer-specific problem. Call your SysOp!

And I remain unable to change my text's color. Hmm. Bummer. Shall I rub it in? Naw, seriously, this is a drag. Throws a major wrench in the works for our process plan.

Yesterday, I opened that first "weaving" post and there everything was, the text-color icon and everything. So I know, at least, what it is I'm looking for. Pero no esta!

OK, I'm going back to the blog post I'm working on in WORD. (THERE's how to assign different colors to my text -- compose in Word and use "Blogger for Word" to post.) Cool! I look forward to it. (Peg 4/4)

Ciao for now.
Love, S.

(Sheila 4/4)